Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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