is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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