Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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