I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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