no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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