chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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