i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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