What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
