I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
