Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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