Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
