Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
