Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
