Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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