the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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