highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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