I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
