the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
