Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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