OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My balls are so social today.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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