you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
