So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
