I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
