by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
