Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
