I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.