Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
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The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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