Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!