i just wanna soil my oats bro
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.