member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .