peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
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He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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