i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
