I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
