I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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