It's Friday. Sex?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
