I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
