My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
