so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
