Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
