That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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