wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
