I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize