I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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