dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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