Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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