I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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