I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
