Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
