i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
