o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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