i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
