roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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