so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
