rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she peed on how many people?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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