He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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