Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
