Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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