they need to just BURY HIM!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
