I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
