it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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