I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
