i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
