woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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