they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
