Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
A+ Viking dick
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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