i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
