just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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