Can i not drive my cunt home
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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