glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
