I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
