So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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