I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
