I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize