i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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