I didn't shave. On purpose
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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