I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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