how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
