Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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