it was like his penis was on wheels.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
