I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
