I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
