I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
