so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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